Letter Technique - Print This Out

 

 We’ve all Experienced Trauma in Our Life

A simple definition of trauma, by trauma expert, Dr Robert Scaer is: feeling helpless or powerless, being overwhelmed and feeling that our or another's (i.e. parent, grandparent, sibling) physical, mental or emotional safety and security is being threatened in some way.

When trauma is described in these terms, it is easy to understand that we’ve all experienced trauma in some form or another -- and that past events we wouldn't consider as an adult to be traumatic, actually did affect us in a negative way as a child or a teen.

Things like: Birth Trauma, divorce, financial struggles, serious illness or death of a parent, grandparent or sibling, adoption, an accident, problems at school, abandonment, abuse (even mild forms), sibling issues (birth order, rivalry, teasing, competition). Having an alcoholic, emotionally troubled, depressed, emotionally or physically distant/absent parent. Or even a parent/primary caretaker who is overly critical, controlling, demanding etc.   

 

Tuning into our issue in order to effectively shift it, can be a real challenge! Especially with more complicated problems.

 

The best ways to tune into our problem is to get as specific as possible. And by identifying and tapping on a negative memory that relates to our problem, we can get very specific.

 

Example: We are very self critical, critical of others and often feel criticized by family members and friends. We realize that this criticism theme or pattern goes back further and as a child we were exposed to an overly critical parent and older siblings. So, by discovering specific childhood events or memories that align with this theme, we've found a great way to tune into our issue!

 

Note: If you are no longer feeling emotional about a memory but it seems to pop into your mind from time to time, this generally means there is some unprocessed negative emotion attached to it i.e. sadness, guilt, shame, anger, powerlessness, blame etc.

 

Important: If you come up with something that might be too emotionally charged or traumatic, it is best if you work with Cariel - SET UP AN APPOINTMENT.

 

How To Do the EFT Tell a Story or Write a Letter Technique

by Karen Nauman

 

Pick a quiet and private spot where you can write and do some tapping. Select a specific negative memory or stressful childhood event that you would like work with.

 

If you are dealing with a particular life theme or core issue i.e. I am defective, flawed, not good enough etc., try to recall a 'key' memory that fits into this theme. Example: During your upbringing, your sibling received a lot of praise and encouragement and for the most part, you were ignored or even criticized.

 

On a note pad or in a journal, begin to recount this memory like you are telling a story or witting a letter. Some find it helpful to address a letter to caring friend (current or past), family member etc. Of course, it will not be mailed to them. You may even try starting it off with something like, ‘Dear Diary’.

 

Give it a short but meaningful title like, 'They Encouraged Billy and Ignored Me!' or 'I Didn't Matter to Them'. Then get an initial intensity or SUDs level. Close your eyes and say the title to yourself. You might want to try a few different titles and use the one that has the biggest charge. Then focus inward and feel in your body how much emotional intensity this has for you i.e. 0 = no intensity at all and 10 being very intense and emotionally uncomfortable. Make note of the number.

 

Begin to write down the story or memory in detail. Keep to the point and avoid wandering into another memory or event, just make note of any other memories so you can tap on them later. A tapable issue or target only lasts for a few minutes like the crescendo of a movie.

 

If it's longer than 5 minutes, you are likely being too general or global which will result in poor results or no change at all. Get more specific by breaking it down into smaller clips, scenes or events.

 

Tell/write what happened, what others did, what you did, what you saw (incl. facial expressions of younger you and others), what you heard, what others and you said and especially how the younger you felt. As you write out the memory/story if any emotional intensity arises such as; sadness, shame, blame, guilt, anger... then tap on it to get it down before continuing to write.

 

It can be helpful to give the emotion a colour and sensation i.e. Even though I have this dark purple anger in my stomach when I think about what he said to me... I deeply and completely accept myself. -- Even though I have this orange burning shame in my face as I remember this... I accept myself and the feelings I have. -- Even though I have this grey sadness in my heart... I love, honour and accept all parts of me right here, right now.

 

After the story is completed, read it back to yourself out loud. Stop and tap when any intense emotions that come up before continuing to read. Repeat this process until you can read through the story and remain neutral throughout i.e. you have very little or no emotional intensity.

Make sure you test your work and read the letter or story in a few days. Tap on any emotional intensity as well as on any additional aspects or parts of that particular story that come up. And remember to make note of any new memories that come up so you can tap on them as well.

 

The wonderful thing is, that by doing the Tell a Story or Write a Letter Technique on just a handful of memories related to a particular core issue or life theme, the whole problem will begin to shift for you. We may have 100’s of memories attached to one theme however, we don’t need to tap on them all in order to feel a dramatic shift, just a few ‘key’ ones! Gary Craig calls this the generalization effect and EFT Master Karl Dawson (developer of Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT) calls it, the tipping point.

 

If you are getting anxious or blocked when recalling a memory, it might mean that the timing is not right for you to deal with it or that it's not feeling okay to tune into and tap on it by yourself. If you sense that this is the case, then arrange to work with an experienced tapping buddy or a trained EFT practitioner.

 

Here is an important quote from Gary Craig;“It is your skill in breaking things down to manageable specific events and understanding the core issues that determine your effectiveness.” (with EFT tapping) ~ Gary Craig - Interview: Life Positive, November 2009

 

And as Gary says, being able to discover, tap on and shift specific negative memories is one of the most important parts of EFT tapping.